She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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