i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
