I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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