Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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