My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
