he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
