My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
