I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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