We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Mom said you looked used
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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