I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
