i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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