Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
