White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
