he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
