I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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