We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
