My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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