Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
