I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
