I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
