On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
