"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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