Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
