SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
