We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Pooping to opera.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize