yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Small penises have feelings too.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
