my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They have beer where we have blood.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
