Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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