omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
