The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
