A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
