i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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