My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
