Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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