and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize