and she was petting her beer can
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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