Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
