I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
