11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize