An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
