He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
