So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
