god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
