I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize