I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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