ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
