Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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