Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
