i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Randomize
