More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my shit smells like andre
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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