it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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