hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
