There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
