the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
