I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
operation harelip BJ is a go
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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