Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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