I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This is my gift to your gina
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
