I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Randomize
