at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
