What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
