we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We are all done wearing pants today
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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