She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
