i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
