Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
