The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
