he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
