My Higher Power is John Stamos
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize