Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
