whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
