Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize