Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
