She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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