david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
