Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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