Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm at about main and main street
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
