so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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