my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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