I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
