it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
