There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
