His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
