Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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