Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
