i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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