I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
