His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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