Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Houston, we have a squirter
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
