Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize