first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize