So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
