They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
