Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
